I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
