She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
