Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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