Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
