Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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