something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
