I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
