I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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