Are we in a gay sports bar?
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Randomize
