Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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