it wasn't lemon gatorade
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize