I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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