so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize