If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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