Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
