I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
