I just saw a hot homeless man
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
