Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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