So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
