I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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