we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
bring money and cleavage
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
