dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
