I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize