Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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