they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
