i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
