he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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