Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
