didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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