I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
