I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
