she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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