Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
