Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I am mentally ready for anal.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
