Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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