Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
