oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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