So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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