this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
