guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
