The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
