Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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