so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we're so committed to being not committed
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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