I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
