So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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