As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
