She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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