In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
