So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
