Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
