Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
