Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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