bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
