I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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