Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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