well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
