I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
