$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
