come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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