He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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