This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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