I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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