I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
