I think I died a long time ago.
I just cut my nipple shaving
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize