According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
i think i just lost a toe
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
