yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my sisters under your porch take her home
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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