Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
