He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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