i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
