You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
