i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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