its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
