Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
